Trump’s Golf Club Employees Spill The Beans On Their Boss

Trump’s Golf Club Employees Spill The Beans On Their Boss


WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN TO “THE LATE SHOW.” I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT IS FRIDAY, IT IS FRIDAY, NOTHING LIKE FRIDAY. AND WITH THE HOLIDAYS AROUND
THE CORNER, IT’S BEEN A BUSY WEEK FOR THE UN-JOLLY MAN IN THE
BIG RED HAT. I’LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN TONIGHT’S LATEST
INSTALLMENT OF “DON AND THE GIANT IMPEACH.”>>LET’S GET SOME HELP FROM
UKRAINE.>>Stephen: SPEAKER PELOSI HAS
DIRECTED CONGRESS TO START WRITING UP ARTICLES OF
IMPEACHMENT. SO ANYONE INVOLVED IN TRUMP’S
QUID-PRO-QUO SCHEME WITH UKRAINE SHOULD BE JUST BE LAYING LOW AND
AVOIDING THE SCENE OF THE CRIME. SO, NATURALLY, RUDY GIULIANI IS
IN UKRAINE. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) THAT– THAT RIGHT THERE– THAT
RIGHT THERE!>>Jon: SMART THINKING.>>Stephen: THAT IS SOME SAVVY
LAWYERING. “YOUR HONOR, MY CLIENT IS
INNOCENT. WHERE IS HE NOW? WELL, HE’S DANCING AROUND THE
CHALK BODY OUTLINE SINGING A LITTLE SONG ABOUT BEING THE
WORLD’S HAPPIEST STABBER.” RUDIY’S–
( LAUGHTER ) RUDY’S EUROPEAN TOUR HAS A
MISSION: HE’S IN BUDAPEST AND KIEV THIS WEEK TO TALK WITH
FORMER UKRAINIAN PROSECUTORS TO DEBUNK THE IMPEACHMENT CASE. RUDY’S BASICALLY A COLLEGE
STUDENT STUDYING ABROAD, EXCEPT SOMEHOW WITH MORE BINGE
DRINKING. BUT RUDY’S BEING VERY COY ABOUT
WHAT HE’S UP TO. IN AN INTERVIEW YESTERDAY, HE
WOULDN’T EVEN CONFIRM THAT HE WAS IN UKRAINE. BUT THEN HIS BRAIN HAD TO GO AND
RUDY THINGS UP.>>WHAT’S THE UKRAINE TRIP ALL
ABOUT?>>WELL, I CAN’T REALLY DESCRIBE
IT. I CAN’T EVEN CONFIRM IT.>>ARE YOU IN UKRAINE ALSO
GATHERING, YOU KNOW, EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT YOUR OWN DEFENSE?>>I AM NOT HERE TO– I DON’T
HAVE TO DEFEND MYSELF. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: GOOD SAVE! GOOD SAVE, RUDY! OH, I CAN’T– I CAN’T WAIT FOR
TO YOU DEFEND TRUMP AT THE SENATE TRIAL. ( AS JUDGE )
“MR. GIULIANI, WHEN DID YOUR THE PRESIDENT COMMIT BRIBERY?”
( AS RUDY ) “IT WAS ON FRI…ED EGGS
FRIED EGGS! HIS FAVORITE BREAKFAST FOOD TO
EAT WHEN NOT BEING GUILTY, WHICH IS ALWAYS? BUT RUDY’S NOT THE ONLY ONE
BLOWING RUDY’S COVER. THERE’S ALSO UKRAINIAN LAWMAKER
AND DIVORCED DAD WHO’S JUST GETTING INTO STANDUP, ANDREY
DERKOTCH. YESTERDAY, DERKOTCH WROTE THIS
FACEBOOK POST ABOUT RUDY’S SECRET TRIP. “RUDOLPH GIULIANI FLEW TO KIEV. WE IMMEDIATELY MET WITH HIM.” NOTHING RUDY DOES STAYS A
SECRET. IF HE WERE A NINJA, HE WOULD
JUST STAND OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR GOING, “OPEN UP! RUDY THE NINJA HERE TO
STEALTHILY KILL YOU! OW! I DROPPED MY THROWING STAR! OH BOY, IT WAS POISONED.” ( LAUGHTER )
AND, OF COURSE, DERKOTCH INCLUDED THIS SWEET PIC OF HIM
AND RUDY PROUDLY DISPLAYING A PIECE OF PAPER. ( AS DERKACH )
“HERE I AM HOLDING SIGNED CONTRACT PROMISING TO NEVER POST
ABOUT THIS MEETING ON SOCIAL MEDIA.” ( LAUGHTER )
“OKAY? WE GET PHOTO? THANK YOU, RUDY.” ( APPLAUSE )
AND, HEY, CHECK OUT THE PHONE IN RUDY’S POCKET. YOU THOUGHT HIS BUTT DIALS WERE
BAD. YOU SHOULD READ HIS NIPPLE
TWEETS. ( LAUGHTER )
YOU SHOULD READ HIS NIPPLE TWEETS. PING, PING. PING-PONG. WE TALK SO MUCH ABOUT TRUMP
BEING A BAD PRESIDENT, BUT IT’S IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER HE’S ALSO
A BAD BOSS. BECAUSE A NEW “WASHINGTON POST”
ARTICLE GIVES US MORE DETAILS ON HOW TRUMP’S GOLF CLUB IN
BEDMINSTER EMPLOYED UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRANTS. THAT’S RIGHT, TRUMP GETS
IMMIGRANTS TO DO THE JOBS AMERICANS DON’T WANT TO DO, LIKE
GARDENER OR FIRST LADY. FOR YEARS– FOR YEARS–
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
BUILD THE WALL. BUILD THE… FOR YEARS, THESE UNDOCUMENTED
WORKERS SERVED TRUMP’S MEALS, CLEANED HIS HOMES, AND
IRONED HIS BOXER SHORTS. THAT’S RIGHT: BOXERS. THE ONLY TIGHTY-WHITIE IN
TRUMP’S WHITE HOUSE IS MIKE PENCE. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) BUT– BUT– THANK YOU. MIKE PENCE FANS! MIKE PENCE FANS! BUT THEIR MOST IMPORTANT JOB OF
ALL? SETTING OUT TRUMP’S MAKEUP,
WHICH MEANS EVERY MORNING, THOSE WORKERS HAD TO ROLL IN A
WHEELBARROW AND A TROWEL. ( LAUGHTER )
5 IN FACT, TRUMP USED SO MUCH
BRONZER THAT HOUSEKEEPERS HAD TO REGULARLY BRING NEW SHIRTS FROM
THE PRO SHOP BECAUSE OF THE RUST-COLORED STAINS ON THE
COLLARS. AND THOSE WERE JUST HIS SHIRTS. CAN YOU IMAGINE HIS SHEETS? IT’S LIKE THE SHROUD OF TURIN
EVERY MORNING. IT’S A MIRACLE! ( APPLAUSE )
AND– SHROUD. TRUMP WAS WEIRDLY SPECIFIC WITH
SOME OF HIS DEMANDS WITH THE HELP. FOR EXAMPLE, HE WANTED IN HIS
BEDROOM BUREAU, AT ALL TIMES, TWO FULL CONTAINERS OF WHITE
TIC TACS AND ONE CONTAINER THAT WAS HALF FULL– OR AS HE
CALLED IT: ( AS TRUMP )
“I WANT TWO BOXES OF TIC TACS AND ONE BOX OF JUST TIC.” “CUT THE TACES.” WELL, NOW SOME OF THOSE WORKERS
HAVE GONE FROM SERVING THE TEA TO SPILLING IT. THEY TOLD A STORY ABOUT
MELANIA’S FATHER, VICTOR KNAUS, WHO ONE DAY WENT TO PLAY GOLF IN
ONE OF TRUMP’S DISCARDED RED HATS. THEY SAY THAT WHEN TRUMP SPOTTED
HIM ON THE FAIRWAY, HE BLEW UP, AND ORDERED HIS FATHER-IN-LAW,
IN FRONT OF OTHER GOLFERS, TO REMOVE THE HAT AND GET OFF THE
COURSE, BECAUSE “NOBODY COULD WEAR THE RED HAT BUT TRUMP.” HE’S LIKE A HIGH SCHOOL MEAN
GIRL. “OH, MY GOD, MEGAN. ARE YOU WEARING REAL RED CAPS
FOR REAL? THAT’S, LIKE, MY THING. STOP BITING MY STYLE. AND DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT
WEARING A SUIT THREE SIZES TOO BIG WITH A RED TIE DOWN TO YOUR
CROTCH.” ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
“YOUR CROTCH.”

100 thoughts on “Trump’s Golf Club Employees Spill The Beans On Their Boss

  1. Thump has spent almost an entire year of his Presidency playing golf. That alone should be Dereliction of duty, and Impeachable.

  2. Oh man anytime Rudy is on tv I must watch 😂 I swear they should make a reality show on trump and Rudy as cell mates 😂 that shit would have me rollin 🤣

  3. Now I feel like a jerk… I really think him more of a spray tan kind of troglodyte, I mean he has as a pretty large head and baby hands so he must spend hours trying to put his makeup on.

    I would have asked one of my illegal immigrant butlers to help me put my face on but lord knows that if they are not busy washing his sheets than they must be changing hid son's diapers… Eric buddy, it's time to learn to use the potty lil'guy!

  4. Quite evident Colbert with his narcissist personality still can't take it that on a live television broadcast Trump humiliated Colbert by winning the Presidency. #1 economy in the world, #1 military in the world. 3.5% unemployment, 15,000 Mexican troops on the border(Mexico paying for it) and illegal immigration down 70%. Obama's ISIS junior varisity's caliphate destroyed, later their leader taken out. No nuclear test by N. Korea. No N.Korea missiles shot over Japan.NATO nations shamed to contribute their fair share. Russia and Turkish troops now being sent home in caskets and not American troops being set home in caskets to Dover. And all Colbert can do is look small by trying to destroy Trump because he was humiliated by him Nov.2016. His head will explode come Nov 2020.

  5. Imagine Trump and Obama at the same sporting event and each time they showed the camera it would alternate between boo for Trump and cheer for Obama.

    And since Trump has pissed off all the major TV executives that matter the camera would most likely be switching back and forth until him and the GOP realized their L

  6. I thought kevin spacey and his series the house of cards was entertaining but this cartoon president and his henchmen are completely nuts

  7. i think its adorable that every president that anyone can remember has always been incompetent, never working always golfing, getting impeached or whatever the drama is picked to be for the dood…term after term after term after term

    I also think it is adorable that each one of you morons thinks that one single man runs a country, let alone is the "leader of the free world"

    think about that for just one second stupid people

    you are all being conned & stolen from by government gangsters…rise soon or The West falls to the orchestrated immigration invasion war that is chugging along nicely at the moment….wait for these 2nd and 3rd worlders to start rioting like they are used to rioting in their countries because we cut back welfare services as a result of their burden

    Makes me sick to my stomach everytime i come to channels like this and still see a majority of the people in comments are still fooled by this Left/Right, Democrat/Republican farce…truly bizarre

    The further society drifts from the truth, the more it will hate the people who speak it" – George Orwell

    "It is easier to fool people than to convince them they have been fooled" – Samuel Langhorne Clemens

    "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society" – Jiddu Krishnamurti

  8. s pea king's peak in g's…us speakings …
    nipples niblets giblets tit-bits wit-fits …
    cares colbert as seasons stephen

  9. Everyone, everywhere, should take a moment at the same time on the same day and tweet a big "LMAO" to trump! Maybe we can get him to leave too.

  10. of course, world laughing at the USA for such silly and criminal, stupid president and his criminal administration and interesting point is many people and republicans are supporting him….America is strat to going down and tRump is a sign for it, unfortunately.

  11. One would think that these idiots, would stop for a bit and think that maybe, if they decided to shut up, instead of saying retarded stuff they have, they would end up with much less troubles to worry about in their daily lives. But, they are actually too dumb to stop and think that.

  12. You know what?… I'm going to say it…
    I think Donald Trump isn't being enabled enough. I think more people should give him his just do… like the PGA golf tour allowing him to playthrough with some legitimate green jacket champions.

    Give Trump the damn rope and he will willingly hang himself.

  13. Hmm, so he wears 2 pounds of bronzer but it is the energy-efficient lighting that makes him look orange. lol

    The ridiculous thing is that most LED lighting is closer to sunlight than incandescent; I guess that means that outside it is the sun making him look orange. Unfortunately, he isn't a seedless orange. 😂

  14. The Trump criminal cabal is so brazen because they know full well American people would keep them in power regardless… this is of course disturbing 🙁

  15. #LiberalismIsAMentalDisorder #AmericaIsFullGTFO #DiversityDestroysCultureAndCommunity #ExposeWhiteGenocide #TheGoyKnow #TheInfidelKnow #ResearchTaqiyya

  16. Not sure if hey only half-assedly went for the obvious "Trump likes a tacs-cut" (tax cut) joke or not at all… seemed rushed if they did

  17. Wha..?!? If Trump is the only one supposed to wear the stupid red MAGA caps, then why does he sell them ??!?

  18. Reporter : " Rudy where are you "? Rudy : " I can't say"
    Reporter : " Are you in Ukraine?"
    Rudy : " I'm in Ukr..
    Rudy : ( thinking to himself) " Damn it Rudy!"

  19. If you think about it Trump should be impeached for hiring illegals while deporting others. Come on Republicans DEFEND this.

  20. Trump does a lot of the things that Obama did bet he does them bigger and better lol. Trump isn't the issue he's a symptom

  21. How could Rudy get a meeting with any Ukrainian official now. He is the last one anyone would meet with now. Ukraine has to balance the possibility that there could be a different President in a year

  22. Everything comes down to age! we need to lower the age of President we need new minds in there they forget everything they say we need AOC in office today

  23. Lol trump only puts the orange on the front of his face so when he turns he is half orange half what ever color he actually is .

  24. Rudi a patriot really he just joined the con as you have if you think he is a patriot what will you say when he is convicted with his other 6 buddies of felonies as he joins them in jail the game and con is about over I feel sorry for all that were conned I was in nyc on 911 I did not loose my life like 3000 others but lost lost my career so I am blessed today 78 years past Pearl Harbor time to wake up what real leaders look like they don’t lie daily admit to going against the constitution, and felony all around them with many witnesses confirming the crime glad it’s almost over.

  25. He might have had makeup to look normal when he could afford it. But now that he's constantly losing both more money and his sanity, he has to look orange

  26. Remember real monologues? Now all you have to do is throw softball jokes at the daily news. Can we have one night trump free? Can we ask the real questions like "will it float?" I promise the low hanging fruit will be there in the morning.

  27. This is so unimportant. Do some real news! China circumventing tariff by going through other countries (finish assembly there then send to US)

  28. Strange that the us are just finding out that the world is not laughing at Trump, they are rolling in the aisles splitting their sides with laughter.

  29. Stephen Colbert holds the banner for the Trump Derangement Syndrome Left – full blown TDS with lesions, pnuemonia, KS, and vomitting and urinating all over himself. A sad, pathetic, site to behold. He should do society a favor and just off himself. That actually goes for the other 30m pathetic liberals in society. #AdditionBySubtraction

  30. Annoy Liberals – Work Hard and Be Happy!

    Theatre Gold watching 30m pathetic excuses for humans, vomit and urinate all over each other – every-single-day! Lol.

  31. What about the $114,000,000 taxpayer dollars that have been spent (so far) on trump's routine golf outings to his own resorts? Trumpgolfcount.com

  32. In years to come, someone is going to make a movie about president trump

    And we can find it in the comedy genre on netflix

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