The Golf Club (C7 Plays with Friends!)


Stevie: How did you start over there? Greg: How do I- Me: Click and then drag forward, and then release after you’ve aimed. Greg: Kaaaa meeeeee haaaaa meeee HA. Sara: Ooh you were so close! Me: Was he though? Greg: Oh wait, what? Me: Click and then drag. (collective screaming) Me: Hi Greg, bye Greg. Greg: *groans* Greg: Oh god no. Greg: NO. Greg: MEDIC. Des: WAKE GREG UP INSIDE Me: Too much AHHH Sara: *screams* Greg: Wait where even is the hole? Sara: *goes flying* NOOOOO. Me: Bye, Sara. Greg: Wait, wait, I think I made it, YAY. Greg: Okay, hold on. Sara: *flying off the track* DAMN IT, NO. (collective screaming and cursing) Greg: OH I MADE IT Sara: (still screaming) Me: Eyyyy Greg: What wait wha-Oh fuck goddamn it Sara: WHAT?! Me: Whee! Me: WHAT, NO, AAH Stevie: *frantically jumping* DO IT DO IT DO IT. Greg: HOLE IN ONE, HOLE IN ONE Greg: YEAH, BITCH Sara: *rolling away* NOOOOO Greg: *chanting* Hole in one! Hole in one! Stevie: Calm down, Greg, I already have one of those. Greg: Oh, hush up. Everyone: NO! Stevie: NONONONONO Me: FUCK. Greg: Oh NONONONO Sara: *screams* Stevie: Greg, did you just jump out of the hole? Greg: Yeah, I don’t know how. Des: *laughs* Me: FUCKING- Greg: MEDIC. Me: This entire recording is just going to be us screaming. Greg: I made it, I’m losing but I made it. Des: I believe in this, I believe- Stevie: NO. Me: TOO MUCH Me: Bye, Greg. Sara: *laughing* Greg! Me: Thread the needle. Sara: There you go. Greg: *sadly* It wasn’t right down the middle though. Sara: It’s fine. Sara: Dang it, Greg. Sara: Okay, you’re gonna lose now. Des: WAKE GREG UP. WAKE GREG UP INSI- Me: Oh fuck this. Stevie: Hi. Me: Bye. Greg: MEDIC. Stevie: GREG. Greg: MEDIC. Sara: *hitting wall* DANG IT. Me: Eyy! Everyone: Eyyyyyyy Me: Other vowels! Stevie: Ooooooo Sara: Aaaaaaaa Des: Eeeeeeee Me: Ooooooooooo Sara and Me: UUUUUUUUUU Sara: AND SOMETIMES Everyone: WHYYYYYYYY Me: Fuck this. Greg: NO, THE WINDMILL. Stevie: LET ME LIVE. Me: This entire game is just “fuck this” Me: Motherf- (Everyone else getting holes in one) Me: YA’LL SUCK. Me: FUCK THIS. Me: Hit me. Des: SAVE GREG Greg: MEDIC. Me: Greg, wait until we introduce you to hard mode. Greg: ….What? What is this? Greg: WHAT IS THIS?! Greg: IT LITERALLY BOUNCED OVER THE HOLE, WHAT IS THIS?! Des: Alright, well there goes Greg. Des: Whoop, there goes Greg, and whoop, there goes Greg, and whoop there goes- (All of us make it into the hole except Greg) Greg: WHAT?! Des: *rapping Mom’s Spaghetti by Eminem* Sara: DAMN ITTTTT Des: (continues rapping) Greg: WHAT?! Des: *laughs and sighs* Spaghetti. Sara: HOW AM I STILL LOSING, ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Greg: You guys saw that shit, though, right?! Stevie: I did, yeah. Greg: It literally just bounced out, like what the flying- Des: NOOOOO, NOOOOOOO, Yes. Greg: BULLSHIT. Sara: DANG IT. Me: Whee! Me: Oop, too far. Sara: OKAY, I’M STUCK. Greg: WHY?! WHY?! Greg: GO IN THE FUCKING HOLE. Me: Greg, don’t you love this ga(misses hole)FUCK. Greg: NO, THAT’S WHAT YOU GET, CODY. Greg: NOW YOU DEAL WITH IT. Des: *singing to the menu music* Sara: DANGIT. Sara: I’m losing this game. Me: I’m telling you, I’m gonna hear this fucking music in my nightmares. Des: *sings to music louder* Stevie: Cody, I’m gonna show up outside your window with this. Me: I’m gonna get my BB gun. Stevie: Get wrecked, Des. Des: AREEEE YOUUUUU SERIOUSSSSSSS Me: FUCK THIS. Me: Wait, where’s the- Oh. Me: Des, are you okay? Nope. Des: *sobbing and jumping* Des: *still sobbing* Noooooooooo Sara: Oh no. Des: *screaming* Des: *shrieking* Sara: OH MY GOD IM NOT LOSING NOW! Me: Fuck this. Stevie: *groaning* Des: Don’t look at me. Me: Don’t look at my shame. Greg: I don’t even care anymore. What is this game?! Des: He’s gonna stroke out. Me: He’s gonna HAVE a stroke at this rate. Me: Greg, there’s an opening at the bottom. Greg: I TRIED TO GET IT IN THE BOTTOM, CODY. Stevie: You didn’t try hard enough! Des: Greg, do you have these problems with girls? Me: There you go. Sara: Oh, you did it. Me: Only took you 14 strokes. Greg: WHAT IS THIS?! Stevie: I messed up. Me: Welcome to hell. Sara: *immediately screaming* Sara: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! STOP IT. (collective confusion) Sara: FRICK IT. *groaning* Stevie: Greg, right where you are, see that target? Hit it at 4. Sara: I’m so mad. Greg: NOT IF I SHIFT INTO MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE Me: You say as you wind up right back where you started. Greg: Stevie, why did you lie to me? Me: It’s just a straight line, now. Me: And somehow you missed. Sara: Oh god. Greg: What is this. Greg: What is this?! Sara: WHAT IS- Stevie: *screams* LOGS PLEASE. Me: Oh, I hate this part. Greg: How do you even? Des: You believe. Me: You pray. Greg: Oh. Ok. Des: ….YOURRRRR MOTHERRRRR! Greg: NO NO MOMMY Sara: I’m so screwed. Sara: Dang it. Sara: DANG IT. Des: Please, please, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Sara: I hate…. I hate. Des: FREE MEEEEEEEEEE- Stevie: Gogogogogogo- Greg: No nonononono- Des: Free me. Oh thank god. Des: If I don’t make it, I’m stroking out, alright. Sara: Whelp. Good game. Des: GG. Stevie: GG with Greg at 94. Des: CAN WE GO ON HARD MODE? Me: NO. Greg: *sobbing* What?! Me: You’ll see. Greg: *sobbing* I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS. MEDIC. Stevie: Okay, Greg, have fun. Me: OH GOD. Greg: WHAT?! WAIT WHAT?! Sara: WAIT, WHAT?! Greg: I DON’T UNDERSTAND. Sara: ARE YOU KIDDING?! Greg: WHAT KIND OF MESSED UP PHYSICS ENGINE IS THIS?! Me: Come on, Greg! Greg: *whimpers* Des: Greg, Greg, he can do it- Greg: WHY DID YOU DO THIS?! Sara: Are we stuck? Me: Yeah, the game’s frozen. Stevie: Oh no. Okay. Stevie: Same room, same password. Sara: *reading* Deez Nuts. Sara: *reading* HA, GAYYYY Sara: *reading* Donald Trump. Greg: *reading* SquidGreg. What? Sara: *reading* I love Heroin. Greg: *reading* Harambe. Me: *reading* Pikachu Eff You. Greg: *reading* Maple Butt? Sara: *reading* Commie Loves Sara: *reading* Harambe is Dead. Me: *reading* Buttlympics? Me: *reading* Cu- Oh my. Me: *reading* QQQQQQQQ- Greg: *reading* Clamdigger. Me: *reading* Ooh, Bob Ross. Me: Oh, it’s someone’s birthday. Me: Ocean Man. Found it, Page 26. Me: Alright, we all good? Greg: …Yup. Sara: (about the room name) Man, that was way easier to find. Stevie: Cody, can we jump? Me: Uhh… I don’t think so. Stevie: HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO-CRAP-BE GOOD AT THIS GAME Sara: *whizzing past my screen* DAMN IT. Me: BOOGER! Sara: NO! Me: FUCK Sara: YEAHHHHHH Greg: NO NO NO Me: Greg, your ball is the only one that’s not glowing. Greg: Oh wow, really? It’s because I’m black, isn’t it. Greg: Oh wait, I can just go under, what am I doing? Greg: You guys are terrible. Greg: Just circle the drain. Greg: DES WHY YOU KEEP TALKING SHIT THOUGH LIKE FIGHT ME IN REAL LIFE. Des: HOLE IN OOOOOOOOONE Me: Oh my god. Greg: OW. Des: WHOOOOO! Stevie: *rolling by* No! Me: MOTHER FUCKER. Stevie: LET ME LIVE. Sara: I CAN’T- ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING MEEEEEEE Greg: Des, stop talking shit- Sara: I HATE THISSSSSSS Stevie: WHAT?! Stevie: *growling* Sara: WHAT IS THIS?! WHAT IS THIS, LIKE- Sara: *sadly* I’m gonna stroke out. Sara: NO. Me: You see, most kids are out doing drugs, and getting drunk, and then there’s us- -playing golf on the internet. Sara: At 2 in the morning. Sara: Damn it. Greg: What is this? Me: Avoid the pit. Stevie: OH NO. Me: *singing* I FELL IN IT, THE PIT. Greg: Nope, the pit, IT CALLS FOR ME. Greg: Oh no, I’m okay. Greg: Oh. Nope. I’m out. Me: *groans* TOO MUCH- Sara: I-You guys, I’m sorry I suck. Greg: Mom. Greg: Medic. Greg: MEDIC. Greg: MEDIC. Greg: *sobbing* It’s just me. Greg: MEDIC. Sara: Nope nope nope nope nope nope Greg: Wait, where actually is the hole? Stevie: OH NO WHAT DID I DO Stevie: Crap. Stevie: WHAT?! Stevie: EXCUSE ME? Greg: No. Mommy. Des: I’m gonna laugh really hard if your mom walks into your room. Me: *imitating mom* You called? “Why are you golfing at 2 o clock in the morning on the internet?” Sara: *growling* Sara: *screeches* Greg: Sara, just take a slow, nice hit. Sara: WHAT DO YOU THINK IVE BEEN DOING?! Me: *screaming* Greg: The game froze on me, guys. Me: Did it actually? Sara: Rip. Sara: You’re gonna spectate, okay? Greg: Thank you, developers. Sara: What’s up, game designers? Me: WHOA IM IN THE WRONG COURSE. Des: *roars* Greg: I’ll just watch you guys wreck each other. Me: ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?! Stevie: No, I lost my lead, bye. Sara: I mean, no one can catch up to my awesome suckiness. Me: Well, at least you beat Greg. Stevie: *screeching* Greg: That’s not fair! Stevie: Bye. Me: *screams* Des: WOW. Sara: ARE YOU-I either hit it too soft or too hard. Greg: My brain…. is telling me no. Sara and Me: *singing* But my body is telling me yesssss Greg: See, this is why we’re friends. Me: We’ll do the desert one next, that it’s something new for you. Greg: I hate the desert. Greg: The desert spent hundreds of thousands of years blackening my people’s skin. Greg: And then racism happened. Sara: It’s all the desert’s fault? Sara: GOOD NEWS, WHITE PEOPLE, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. Greg: Ladies and gentlemen, I’m just going to take this opportunity to say Hi. (shameless plug) I run a Youtube Channel called It’s That Kid Greg. Where I have a show called, The Gray Area. It’s nothing like this. Carry on. Me: I could just edit it to make it sound like you’re saying something completely different. “Hi, I run a youtube channel called Nothing Where I have a show called Nothing Carry on. Me: MOTHER FUCKER. Des: So help me. You go in the hole. You go in that hole. So help me, I will end your life. I will crush you. Des: *happily* Ooh, I won! Sara: I LOST SO BAD. Des: *happily* OH MY GOD! Des: *rapping Mom’s spaghetti again* Me: WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS THING MEMORIZED?! Des: *laughs* Because, priorities. Greg: Oh, it froze again. Sara: We’re not playing this map ever again. Me: Wheeeee! Stevie: I beg, i beg, I beg, let me live. (frantic scrambling for hole in one) Des: CRAP. Greg: *offscreen* Medic…. MEDIC. Sara: RIP. Greg: MEDIC. Greg: No don’t go back, I believe in you, STOP. Des: Free me. (screaming) Me: Nope. Me: Fuck. Me: ARE YOU FUCKING- Greg: Des, did you make it? Me: I’m going to fucking throw something. Stevie: Line it up. Stevie: NO GREG. Greg: I lined, Bro. Stevie: LINE UP YOUR STUPID SHOT. Sara: ARE YOU KIDDING ME ARE YOU KIDDING ME ARE YOU KIDDING ME Sara: NOOOOOO Sara: I hate this game. Me: Jesus take the wheeeeeeel Stevie: If you stay there it’s fine. Me: Yeah as long as you don’t bounce out, it’s fine. Des: NO. Me: It’s fine. Des. Des: NOOOO. Stevie: Just let it go, Des. Me: Des. Des: *sobbing* No it’s gonna send me baaaaackkkkk. Everyone: No it’s not. Des: Ok. Greg: WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT. Me: *screaming* Greg: THIS AIN’T SONIC THE FUCKING HEDGEHOG, JESUS CHRIST. Me: FUCKING- Greg: NO COME ON, FUCK Greg: This is like asking friendships to die. Des: Stay. Stay. Stay-YOURRRR MOTHERRRRRR- Greg: I see you, Cody. Me: No you don’t. Greg: Oh wow, run away from me then. Stevie: NO CRAP Me: FUCK. Me: Hi, Des. Des: *sobbing* Sara: *screaming* Des: Sara, keep jumping. Des: KEEP JUMPING! Sara: *wheezes* Me: There you go. Greg: No NO NO Greg: Don’t put me back on, DON’T PUT ME BACK ON Sara: *offscreen* DANG IT Greg: I don’t trust this map at all. (collective panicking) Me: Wait, what? Where am I-Oh fuck Greg: THERE IS NO WAY TO RECOVER FROM THIS Me: I’m gonna throw something. Sara: Three…. two…. one…. Greg: Awwwww, I just made it. Me: Feed me, Seymour. Me: Whooo! Me: Are you fucking- Me: OH MY- Sara: HELP ME. Greg: WHY. Me: Oh fuck. Greg: WHAT. Me: *groans* I hate this one. Me: Go fuck yourself. Me: *wheezes* Me: Are you kidding me. Sara: I lost. Again. Des: *singing theme music again* Me: Oh god. Des: *still singing* Me: ….Alright, I’m out. (patronizing theme music)

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