Jim Jefferies Doesn’t See The Point In Bombing Australia


MY NEXT GUEST IS AN AUSTRALIAN
COMEDIAN WITH A LOT TO SAY ABOUT AMERICA. PLEASE WELCOME THE HOST OF “THE
JIM JEFFERIES SHOW,” JIM JEFFERIES! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING ) JIM JEFFERIES, RIGHT THERE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WELCOME.>>THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.>>Stephen: NICE TO HAVE YOU
ON. “THE JIM JEFFERIES SHOW”
TUESDAYS ON COMEDY CENTRAL, I’M FAMILIAR WITH THEIR WORK. IT’S A NEW POLITICAL COMEDY
SHOW. DO YOU THINK PEOPLE WANT TO HEAR
JOKES ABOUT THEIR POLITICS, REALLY, JIM JEFFERIES?>>I FEEL LIKE THEY MIGHT. I’M THE FIRST POLITICAL COMEDY
SHOW. THERE WAS JOHN OLIVER, YOU,
SAMANTHA BEE, TREVOR. I’M THE ONLY ONE THAT DIDN’T
COME FROM “THE DAILY SHOW.”>>Stephen: WOW, WHAT A
REFRESHING CHANGE OF PACE.>>IT’S WEIRD BEING AUSTRALIAN
BECAUSE I DON’T FEEL LIKE PEOPLE WANT TO HEAR NEWS FROM
AUSTRALIANS. IF YOU HAVE A JOHN OLIVER OR YOU
OR MILLIE BOBBY BROWN READ SOMETHING, IT SOUNDS LIKE IT’S
GOT AN AUTHORITY TO IT.>>Stephen: WELL, I WOULD SAY
AMERICAN ACCENTS ARE FAMILIAR TO US AND ENGLISH ACCENTS SOUND
SMART TO US. WHAT DO YOU THINK THE AUSTRALIAN
ACCENT –>>THIS IS THE THING, IF THERE
WAS A FIRE IN BUILDING NOW AND A BRITISH ACCENT SAID THERE’S A
FIRE IN THE BUILDING, PLEASE LEAVE THE BUILDING, YOU WOULD
GET UP AND RUN. IN MY VOICE, IT’S, THERE’S A
FIRE, EVERYONE, EVERYONE — YOU’RE IN A LOT OF DANGER — YOU
WOULD BE, LIKE, OH, HE’LL BE OKAY. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )>>Stephen: LIKE YOU’RE
INVITING US TO A PARTY. THERE’S A FIRE, EVERYONE. COME ON.>>YEAH, YOU’RE PROBABLY COOKING
A SHRIMP SOMEWHERE.>>Stephen: THAT’S YOUR
IMPRESSION OF AN AMERICAN DOING AN IMPRESSION OF AN AUSTRALIAN.>>YES, IT’S ME AN IMPRESSION OF
YOU DOING AN IMPERSONATION OF MYSELF DOING AN IMPERSONATION OF
ME.>>Stephen: YOU CALL THEM
PRAWNS.>>CALL THEM SHRIMP. WE HAD ONE AD CAMPAIGN WITH
HOGAN WHERE HE SAID IMP SH RICH AND NOW WE SAY, THROW THE SHRIMP
ON THE BARBIE THING.>>Stephen: THE MAN IS A
NATIONAL TREASURE. YOU PUMP YOUR BRAKES.>>MAYBE HE’S A NATIONAL
TREASURE, BUT NOT AUSTRALIAN. LIVE PAUL HAGAN.>>Stephen: I DON’T BELIEVE
YOU ANYMORE THAN THE FIRE. ( LAUGHTER )
YOU GUYS IN AUSTRALIA ARE MUCH MORE CLOSE TO NORTH KOREA THAN
WE ARE.>>YEAH BUT WHAT’S THE PURPOSE
OF BOMBING AUSTRALIA? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO GET OUT OF
THAT? ( LAUGHTER )
WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HOW THE KOREAN MISSILES CAN REACH L.A. AND CHICAGO. I DID A LITTLE JOKE ON LAST
TUESDAY’S SHOW ABOUT, HEY, DIVE BOMBERS, WE CAN BE RESILIENT AS
AMERICANS, WE CAN GET BY THIS. I SAID IT’S NOT LIKE YOU’RE
GOING TO BOMB RENO. I DID A LITTLE REVERSE
PSYCHOLOGY, I AID, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T BOMB RENO! I SAID DON’T BOMB THESE
COORDINATES AND I SAID THE COORDINATES.>>Stephen: OF RENO, NEVADA? THIS IS THE WHOLE THING, YOU
HAVE A LEGAL DEPARTMENT. EVERY TIME YOU WRITE A JOKE, A
LAWYER LOOKS AT THE JOKE.>>Stephen: YEAH, BECAUSE
LAWYERS KNOW FUNNY. ( LAUGHTER )
>>THE LAWYER FOR COMEDY CENTRAL SAID ARE YOU JUST GIVING EXACT
COORDINATES OF RENO? COULD YOU GIVE 40 MILES OUTSIDE? BECAUSE IF NORTH KOREA BOMBS
RENO, YOU WILL BE RESPONSIBLE. ( LAUGHTER )
SO WE GOT IT 40 MILES OUTSIDE. I’M PROBABLY BLOWING UP AREA 51.>>Stephen: OR CARSON CITY. THE OPTION I WAS GIVING RENO
WAS DIE INSTANTANEOUSLY. NOW IT’S GOING TO BE A SLOW
DEATH WHICH IS WHAT MOST PEOPLE IN RENO GO THROUGH ANYWAY.>>Stephen: UH-HUH, UH-HUH. THIS IS A FUN CHAT, STEPHEN.>>Stephen: IT IS. YOU STARTED OFF IN STAND-UP. AMERICANS, STAND-UPS, A LOT OF
DRIVING, GIGS ON THE ROAD. SAME THING IN AUSTRALIA?>>IT IS. BUT WE ONLY HAVE A POPULATION OF
20 MILLION. SO SYDNEY HAS TWO COMEDY CLUBS,
NOT A LOT OF STAGE, SO YOU HAVE TO GO INTO THE COUNTRY A BIT. I STARTED DOING RUNS OF GOLD
MINING TOWNS IN AUSTRALIA WHICH ARE VERY INTERESTING PLACES. EVERYONE IS DOING A LOT OF
MONEY. NINE MEN TO EVERY WOMAN IN EVERY
ONE OF THESE TOWNS.>>Stephen: YOU DIG AT A GOLD
MINING TOWN?>>A BIG HOLE —
>>Stephen: IT’S LIKE LATE 19th CENTURY.>>YOU HAVE COAL MINERS, TRUMP
HAS BEEN TALKING ABOUT HIM A BIT. I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE WHOLE
THING OF COAL MINERS LOSING THEIR JOBS. THEY’RE ALREADY MINERS, JUST DIG
FOR SOMETHING ELSE. HOW LONG IS THIS REFRESHER
COURSE? ( APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: YO YEAH. YOU START OFF WITH, OKAY,
YOU’RE A DIAMOND MINER NOW, SO YOU’RE LOOKING FOR BLACK AND
DUSTY. NOW LOOK FOR SHINY. COURSE DONE. YOU GO INTO THE GOLD MINUS IN
AUSTRALIA AND IT’S NINE MEN TO EVERY WOMAN. YOU GO INTO THE BARRACKS OF THE
MEN AND SO IT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE A GAY BAR, THEY HAVE A FEMALE
BARTENDER AND SHE’S TOPLESS. IT WILL BE A NORMAL BAR AND THEN
THEY’LL SAY WE’VE GOT (BLEEP) OVER THERE, IT’S FINE.>>Stephen: WOW. I WENT THERE TO DO A GIG WHEN
I WAS 23 IN A GOLD MINING TOWN AND I HAD SEX WITH THE ONE
SINGLE GIRL. WORD GOT AROUND PRETTY QUICK. A LOT OF MINERS SAID, I HAVE
BEEN WORKING ON HER FOR YEARS. I DON’T REMEMBER HER NAME AND
I’M SURE SHE’S HAPPY, IF YOU’RE WATCHING. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: “THE JIM JEFFERIES SHOW” AIRS TUESDAYS ON COMEDY
CENTRAL. JIM JEFFERIES, EVERYBODY. BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE WITH

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