IT GETS EVEN WORSE | Golf With Friends #2

IT GETS EVEN WORSE | Golf With Friends #2


*Happy music* (JACK): Titties. (WADE): I’m gonna raise the maximum number of strokes to 10… (BOB): *giggling Like a girl* (WADE): BUT, we all have random balls per hole, low gravity is on, bouncy ground is on, and jumping is on, so get rekt. (WADE): The Oasis sucks.
(MARK): Ok, bye. (WADE): You’re gonna have a bad time. (JACK): Okay, this is where rage is gonna ensue, there’s a hole in the middle of this bridge that can get you down. (MARK) Ugh… (WADE): I’m a cube on the first hole? (JACK): We’re all DIFFERENT?
(MARK): Oh, we’re *individually* random. (WADE): We’re all different, and it’s random every hole. (JACK) OHH GOD, I fucking did it. I’m a bouncy ball? I’m like air. (EVERYONE): WAHH!! (MARK): *Giggling* (MARK): That’s different! (BOB): Syncing face cam in 3-2-1… *Claps* (JACK): (Sexy voice) ah ah ah ah harder (MARK): Ooh! x1 (MARK): Ooh! x3 (MARK): Ooh! x5 (MARK): Ooh! x7
(JACK): OOH GO IN! (JACK): Oh God, what the fuck?
(BOB): Holy shit, low gravity fucked me up. (WADE): Woohoo!
(MARK): *groans*
(JACK): YES! YES! YE- Come on! (Has this become a WadeSeptiPlier?) (JACK): YES! YES! YE- Come on! (MARK): Okay… *Determined* (WADE): *groans*
*Laughter coming from MARK* (JACK): Hello Bob! 🙂
(BOB): I’m coming, guys! *laughter from Mark and Jack*
(WADE): Oh, just wait! (MARK): Oh no…
(BOB): I’m coming! (MARK): You got it, Bob! (MARK): I’m proud of you-
(BOB): I’m workin’ on it, hang on… (MARK): -Proud of you, Bob! (BOB): Hang on! I got it!
(JACK): How the fuck are you doing that?!?
*Mark’s voice gets drowned out by Jack’s* (So much innuendo) (WADE): Wow, Bob!
(MARK): How’d you DO that? (BOB): SLAM DUN- *fails*
(BOB): aww. 🙁
(MARK): What the fu- (MARK): What the fu- (MARK): *Giggles*
(JACK): SLAAAAAAAAMIN’!!! (JACK): SLAAAAAAAAMIN’!!! (MARK): SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAMIN’! (WADE): What the-
(BOB): Go in the hole… (JACK): I can’t even do that as good as Ethan Bradberry does it. (MARK): No one can!
(BOB): Go in the hole! (MARK): No one can!
(BOB): Cone! x1 (JACK): *Laughs*
(BOB): Cone! x2 (MARK): IMHEATABABEHH!
(BOB): Cone! x3 (MARK): IMHEATABABEHH!
(BOB): Cone! x4 (BOB): Cone! x6 (BOB): Cone! x7 (MARK): HEATABRABEHRY (WADE): *high-pitched* Bob, you’re so close!… (WADE): Now you’re not as close…
(BOB): Cone, cone. (WADE): Now you’re not as close…
(BOB): Cone, come on. (WADE): Now you’re getting progressively further! (WADE): Now you’re getting progressively further!
(BOB): Alright, alright. (JACK): *toad voice* Why are you talking like Toad? (JACK): *toad voice* Why are you talking like Toad?
(BOB): Slaam… (BOB): …shit. (MARK): Wow, I’m sorry Bob, that cone… Whew… (BOB): Fuckin’ cone!! (EVERYONE): *Laughs* (BOB): Bye everybody. (BOB): *high-pitched grunt* (BOB): GOD, SHIT! I didn’t mean to bounce that time! (WADE): Whelp. Now, you’re down to 20 seconds, Bob! (BOB): I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it, don’t worry, I got it!
(MARK): He’s got it. Let him have it. (JACK): Bob knows what he’s doing! This ain’t Bob’s first rodeo! As a cone… ball. (BOB): There we go!
(MARK): Woo! (WADE): Oh, he made it! Nice job, Bob.
(JACK): Nice! (BOB): Exactly as I intended. (JACK): Oh, we’re all level? Mark: Yeeaah…
Jack: What am I? I’M A BALL! I’m just a regular ol’ ball.
Bob: What the fuck am I?
Mark: I’m an egg? Aw, shit. Bob: Would you all get out of me so I can see what I am? Jack: Oh go in! OH GO IN! OH! OH MY GOD THAT WAS SO CLOSE TO A HOLE IN ONE!! Wade: EEEUY! NO!
Mark: OOH OOH OOH…aww! Jack: Now I’m back out here?! What is this bullshi-
Mark: OH FUCK OFF WITH THAT!! [groans] Jack: HUE! Mark: WHY THE SHIT DID IT NOT GO IN? Bob: WHY CAN’T I JUMP?? *Wade moans*
Bob: I’m still rolling but I can’t jump??
Mark: Oh, wow… Jack: Yeah. Same.
Mark: Yeah, I dunno. Bob: All right, here we go…Woo. Jack: Oh shit.
Wade: I–I totally screwed
myself over try to knock Mark away. Mark: Why’d you *do* that, huh?
[Bob laughs] Jack: Go in, go in, go in, go in…
Bob: You shouldn’t have done that… Jack: Go in…Oh thank fuck.
Wade: Because I just wanted to *flirt* with you! Bob: Jack, were you just a regular ball? Jack: Yeah, and I almost got a hole in one right at the start. I clipped the edge of it. Bob: Oh, great! I’m a fucking cone ‘agrin’! [Wade and Jack laugh, Bob makes incoherent sounds]
Wade: Agrin! Cone agrin! Jack: You’re a non-Englisher! I’m a egg.
Bob: Oh, I went to the wrong course…
Mark [laughing]: The wrong one? Bob: Whatever. Like it matters.
Jack: Wheeee! Boing!
Wade: Ooh, regular ball! Jack: See ya..see ya, Mark! [laughs]
Mark: Fucking cube!
Bob: Fucking GO, cone! Bob: GO, cone! Go all the way, cone!
Jack: Hah! Hah! I got that rugby tactic. Bob: All the way, cone. All the way, cone. You can do it.
Wade: Wheee… Jack: Hey Bob. Bob: No, cone! Cone! Cone, calm down! Calm down, cone. Calm down…
Jack: Cone down! Cone down! Wade: Wooo!
Jack: C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon!
Bob: Oh, hey!
Mark: Oh no no no no no, get back up there OH MY GOD NOOO! [Mark groans]
Wade: Bye, Mark!
Jack: OH NO! Go in!
Bob: Oh Jesus… Jack: Oh God, I’m gonna hatch right here.
Mark: Fuck that… Bob: Hey, I made it! Hey Mark, you’re still at the start? [laughs] [everyone but Mark laughs]
Mark: Shut up! I had it — AW FUCK! [everyone but Mark laughs] [everyone but Mark laughs]
Mark: Fuckin’ BOX…is the most bullshit THING…you could possibly GET! Bob: You doin’ okay, friend?
Mark: I’ve been a box *twice!* TWICE! Bob: Hey, I had a *cone* twice, so I don’t care what *you’ve* got. Jack: Yeah, I think Bob has more of a…ah, um…a say in this. Bob: You can go take your box and fuck it.
Mark: Shut up. Mark: I don’t wanna fuck my box.
Bob: Or whatever they say… Mark: You can’t make me fuck my bo- that’s not what I wanted. I didn’t want to bou- Mark: Whoah!
Wade: Woo!
Bob: Oh shit, Mark! Oh shit.
Jack: You almost got it. Mark: Heh-heh! All right.
Jack: Yeah! I like that little boopity-boop right in…Oh, I’m winning! Mark: Oh, shut up. Shut up! Jack: I’m a cylinder!
Mark: I’m an egg.
Bob: What am I? Would you assholes get out of me so I can…oh, I’m an egg. Awesome. Mark: You’re a *ball.*
[Wade screams] Bob: Oh, I’m a ball? Sweet! Bob: Woo!
Jack: Hit me, Bob! Hit me. Wade: STOOOP!
Bob: Oh wait! *That’s* not what I thought was gonna happen!
[Jack laughs] [Jack grunts] Wade: STOOOP!
Jack: Go in! Aww… Jack: Fuck ME! Bob: Yes! Yes! Yes! No! No, no.
Jack: (laughing) What are ya doing over there, Mark? Mark: What the f-…It…it counted like, three strokes — [drowned out by Wade screaming] Jack: Go in! AWWW!
Mark: …I didn’t think it would drop me here! Mark: Oh, fuck this. Bob: Having trouble, Mark?
Wade: OOOOOH! Wade: The cube would be good if I didn’t make the ground all bouncy-bouncy! Mark: I’m out of strokes.
Bob: Goddammit. Jack: [grunts] Fuuuuck… Bob: Hup! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh…yes!
[Mark groans] Wade: Noooo!
Jack: Wooow.
Mark: Ohhh… Bob: I did it! Everyone else sucks. Jack: And you’re still losing. [laughs] Bob: Yeah, well, whatever. Wade: The hole’s to our left…just so everyone knows. Bob: It’s…it’s *that?*
Mark: What? Wade: It’s right…there. Mark: No it’s not! You’re a liar!
Bob: Bye, Wade. Mark: How the fuck would you get there?
Jack: Oh Jesus… Wade: Normally if you’re a normal ball, you run straight into the wall in front of us and bounce up to the thing on our…right… Bob: Oh my God, I got a fucking birdie! Jack: Oh! Oh, go in!
Bob: I got a birdie. You all can suck a dick. Mark: Do not hit me, do not hit me…I swear, please, do NOT hit me!
Jack: COME ON, CUBE!
[Bob laughs] Mark: Do NOT…please!
Bob: Wade…Wade…Wade… [Wade hits Mark]
Mark: NO!
Jack: Oh…
[Bob laughs] Mark- Let me- *hit* AHHAHA!! *Jack laughs at Mark* Wade- I know, I should’ve but- Bob: You had such an opportunity to- Mark: WHY AM I BOUNCING OVER THE HOLE?!?!?! Wade: You’re an Isosphere. *Others laughing at mark* Mark: WHAT THE FUUCK?!?!?! *others still laughing at Mark’s tragic fails* Mark: Wha-hat the FUUCK!?! *others still laughing as well as I xD* Mark: I had that- Mark: I had that in the BAAAG… *others start laughing more* Mark: What was I?
Bob: Hey, I’m not last anymore! Mark: WHAT WAS I?!!? Jack: You were an isosphere. Mark: [stammers] What the fuck is THAT!?
Wade: Oh God… Bob: Oh my…
Wade: Wooooah baby! Woo!
Jack: Oh no no no no no no… Jack: Yes! Yes!
Wade: Stop, stop, stop, stop… Bob: Oh, puck! Oh, puck! Oh, puck me…Oh, puck…
Jack: Yeah, we’re pucks, Bob. Bob: Woo…Oh, baby!
Jack: Keep goin’! Keep go-…Oh God, bouncy ground! Go in! Go in!
Mark: Oh Jesus… Bob: Jack, are you…
Jack: Oh, birdie! Bob: Oh, you birdied. Okay. Yes, Jack, the puck is the thing.
Mark: Oh Jesus…fuck me. Bob: The puck is the word.
Jack: Yeah, I think we…I think we got it handy on that one.
Wade [laughing]: Oh God, Mark… [Mark groans]
Bob: Mark, why did you *do* that? [everyone but Mark laughs]
Mark: What are you *talking* about, “why did I do it”? I didn’t have a fucking CHOICE! [everyone else continues laughing]
Mark: What do you *mean,* “WHY”? Are you kidding? I can’t go ANYWHERE! WHAT THE FUCK!? [everyone else continues laughing]
Mark: OHHHHHOOOO! I’M A SALTY BABY! OOH FUCK! AAGH! Mark: Fuck…yes! Yes! YES! Yesss!
Bob: Oh, Mark! You did it! You did it, Mark! Mark: Watch this shit!
[everyone else laughs] Mark: Fuck you and all of your dicks…
Bob: Oh…oh… Jack: Ohh…
Wade [reading the scores]: 2, 3, 2, 8… Mark: I have been… Jack: My cheeks hurt, man.
Mark: …the unluckiest with shapes, I swear.
Bob: Holy shit… Jack: Ah, stop bouncin’, you little Isosphere bitch! [Mark makes a strained groaning noise, Jack laughs] Jack: You okay there, buddy?
Wade [trying not to laugh]: You got this, Mark! Bob: Mark, we’re in the same boat, we can do this.
Mark: I’m not gonna give up… Jack: Nooo! [Jack grunts] Jack: I can’t even jump. [pause] Oh. Now I can. Bob: Oh! Oh, egg! Egg! [grunts] Egg!
Jack: Gooo! Jack: Oh, this isosphere sucks…Wade, did you go in? Wade: Yeah. Jack: What were you? Wade: A cube. Jack: Ohh, Wade’s hackin’. Mark: Oh, fuck me. Bob: I’m gonna get a hole in two. I’m gonna do it. Jack: Go in. Go i-…aw, fuck.
Wade: Okay, Bob.
Mark: Oh no, no, NO! Mark: Goddammit…
[Jack groans]
[Wade laughs]
Bob: I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna do it. Bob: Just…everyone wait. Jack: What the fuck?
Wade: [sighing] It’s really fun playing golf with you guys. You guys are my bestest friends. [Mark groans] Jack: It’s really fun listening to Mark
having a mental breakdown and have a heart attack. Mark [muffled]: Shut up. [everyone else laughs] Bob: I’m gonna try this shit. Jack: Woah!
Bob: Wooo! Bob: Oh my God, I *overshot* it? Jack: What the fuck?
Wade [laughing]: I think Mark’s broken… Jack: Mark’s out. [laughs] Wade: He’s *so* angry…
Jack: Mark *had* a stroke when he *lost* all his strokes.
[Bob laughs] [Bob and Wade laugh]
Mark [groaning]: Oh man…oh man. Wade [laughing]: I *told* you the oasis was annoying as Hell. Mark: I’m not…I’m not…I’m not having this. Not havin’ it.
[Bob laughs] Mark: I refuse…
Wade: Hey, are we all normal balls? Bob: Are we all *balls?*
Jack: Yeah! Jack: Oh, is that a sph-…
Mark: I’m a…I’m gonna be be fucked up. I’m an isosphere, so fuck you.
[Bob and Wade laugh] Mark: Fuck ALL of you. Wade: Wheeee…AH NO!
Jack: Oh, mother of fucking Jesus!
Bob: Oh, sweet Jesus! Bob: Oh God!
Jack: Oh, COME ON!
Mark: What the HELL?
Wade: Oh, bouncy-bouncy sucky-sucky! Jack: That’s a…
Bob: What the fuck?
Mark: This is impossible! Mark: How the fuck? Jack: What the fucking Jesus!?
Bob: Woah, Mark, get off of me!
Wade: Okay…so… Jack: Yes!
Wade: Here’s what I did: I gave it about three bars, and before I got to the uh- arrow that launches you, I jumped myself- Wade: …landed on the ground, and it bounced me here…
Mark: OH, THERE’S BARS?!?! *faceplam*(Mark noo) [Mark’s breakdown] (Mark realises something) OHHHHHH THERE’S A MEASUREMENT FOR POWER?!?!!! WHY DIDN’T YOU GUYS TELL ME THAT?!?!
[Jack] It’s at the bottom of the screen…
[Wade] YOU DIDN’T NOTICE THAT?!?! Mark: I WAS—- MY MIC WAS ON THE WAY OF IT! (It’s probably broken now because of your rage Bumbum) [Bob and Wade laugh]
Mark: I’VE BEEN LOOKING AT THE WHITE BAR ON THE BOTTOM OF THE FUCKING SCREEN!? Mark: I’VE BEEN TRYING TO USE THE SQUARE GRIDS ON THE GROUND AS, LIKE, A MEASUREMENT! Mark: I DIDN’T KNOW YOU COULD FUCKING DO THAT! [Laughter] [Mark] OH. MY. GOD. [Mark] WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!
[Everybody else] We thought you (fucking) knew! [Mark] – OH MY GOD.
[Wade] – We went over it! [Mark] Are you kidding me?!
[Jack] So when you still fail, what else are you going to blame? [Mark] – WELL, YOU DIDN’T *TELL* ME! [Jack] IT’S FUCKIN’ PLAINLY OBVIOUS! [Mark] – IT’S NOHAHAOOT! [Mark] – I’ve been using the white bar, that you extend… [Jack] Well that’s all *I’ve* been using!! [Mark] What the fuck!
[Jack] I just use the white bar to
extend as well! I don’t look at the power bar.
[Wade] Oh my God… [Mark] But I didn’t know that there was a power meter that you…
[Wade] It was one of the first things we went over! [Mark] *No,* you *didn’t!* [Jack] Bob, you’re still doing it? *laughs* Bob: I can’t fuckin’ make it over there. [Jack] You have ta- you have ta bounce off the wall at the back.
[Wade and Mark] Oh my God… [Mark] I used like, half power and it got me there. [Mark] If I’d have known there…like, ’cause I was like, “Okay, I want like *half* power, I *guess* this is half…” [Jack] Well that’s all *I’ve* been doing.
[Wade] Yeah, there’s a bar. [Wade] Yeah, there’s a power bar.
[Mark] Oh man… [Mark] Thanks, man.
[Jack] Oh God, don’t roll off…
[Bob] Oh I’m a puck? Jack, move out of the way. Wade: Noooo…
Jack: I did — Oh, mother of Jesus!
Bob: Holy shit! Jack: What the-…It put me out of bounds for THAT?
Wade: Oh, why do I have to be a cone on THIS one!? [Wade groans]
Jack: I was on my way to the hole and it put me out of bounds.
Bob: Oh, puck! Jack: Oh God, I’m rolling. Stop rolling. Stop rolling.
Mark: Wow… Jack: Stop rolling!
Mark [laughing]: Bob, where you going? Mark: Bob, bye!
Bob: No! There’s no…no, it’s not possible! Wade: PLEEEASE! NOO!
Jack: STOP ROLLING! [Jack grunts, Wade groans]
Bob: Oh shit! Ah fack! Jack: Bob, I think-…er, Mark, I think we got fucked for this level.
Mark: Yeah. Jack: Fucking cylinder.
Mark: The, the, the…fricking cylinder.
Wade: I’m still here, too! Mark: Fuck *you*, Wade.
[Jack laughs]
Wade: Oh… Jack: Come…stop r-…
Wade: Hey guys, make sure you check your power bar. Mark: It’s okay.
Jack: I’m not…I don’t even *check* the power bar. I go by the white bar.
Bob: I can’t [unclear], and I’m right *here!* Wade: Please! Yes…Noooo! Wade: Let me on, I just want to *love* you!
Bob: Fuck! Son of a shit bitch!! Jack: [laughs] Wow.
Wade: Oh… Mark: Freaking cylinder…Oh, THANK you! Jack: That’s..going to count as…
Mark: AH-UHHH! Jack: It’s gonna count as out as well.
Mark: AAAAAH! Mark: Waaah, waah, waaaah… Bob: Goddammit. I was trying to wham the shit out of Mark ’cause I didn’t have anything *else* to do with my life. Jack: Okay, so we all ran out of strokes. That’s good.
Mark: It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine. Mark: It’s fine. It’s fine.
Wade: Yeah. Jack: We can chalk that up to bullshit. Mark: Life’s fine… Jack: I’m a cube. Bob: Where are we supposed to go? Oh, I see.
Wade: The hole’s on the right. There’s like, 3 different ways to get there. Bob: I know the *best* one. Pew…Shit! Woah!
Wade: Am I an *egg?* Oh gosh…
Jack: Oh shit… Bob: Shit, whoa! Bob: Well, now I have a good way to get there. Maybe.
Jack: I love the fuckin’ cheery music in the background — Woah, Mark! Mark: Thank you.
Bob: Oh! Ho! Hey! Mark: Hey, I got par!
Jack: No, no no, no, no…okay. [Wade makes desperate panting sounds]
Mark: [groaning] Okay…I got par. Jack: Bogey.
Bob: Egg…egg, egg, egg… Wade: EGG!!! [Jack laughs] Jack: Jumping with the egg is *not* a good idea.
Bob: Egg, egg, egg…fuck you, egg. Bob: Fucking egg.
Jack: You’re gonna go everywhere with that shit. Wade: Hey, Jack’s winning.
Bob: Woo… Bob: God damn.
Mark: Oh man… Jack: At what fuckin’ cost, though? Wade: You have to go in the water here. Jack: I’m a regular ball.
Bob: Do *any* of us really *win?* Bob: What the shit? Wade: Oh, I’m a cone *again?* Oh God!
Mark: Oh, I’m an isosphere. Mark: I’m an isosphere.
Jack: Come on! Bob: Guys, I broke the game. Help me. I’m on a bouncing mission right now. Come on, egg. Come on, egg. [Wade grunts]
Bob: Yeah, that’s it, egg. Bob: That’s the stuff. Yeah, there you go, right up against the tree…yeah, *now* we’re doing it.
Jack: Here we go. Here we go. Bob: Thaaat’s…
Wade: Oh, Jack got a regular ball again? This is baloney! Bob: Fuuck!
Jack: Do you think it’s fucking helping me? [to Mark] Hi! [laughs] Mark: Jesus. I…you’re lucky I jumped *over* you. I can’t stop bouncing! I’m trying to click.
Bob: How the fuck are you supposed to [unclear] the water? Mark: Oooh. I’m an isosphere, so… Bob: Shit! Jack: Aaaaaaaaaaand…
Mark: Are you *kidding* me? Mark: Are you KID-DING MEE??
[Wade and Jack laugh] Mark: Ohh…
Bob: Water…water…water, let’s be friends. Water…Water-water-water…
Wade [laughing]: Bob’s still in the water… Jack: Jump! Jump, Bob, jump! Bob: I’m only on my third stroke. I was just jumping for a long time.
Wade: You were supposed to jump out of the water back there. Bob: No, I’m fine without jumping, thank you. Jack: Heh, yeah. He’s an egg. He’s fucked. [laughs] Bob: WOO! Get fucked! Mark: Woah!
Wade: What??
Jack: Woah! Holy shit! Jack: Bob got the goodness! [Bob] What? That was a stroke! Hup! No no no no no no…
[Jack laughs] Bob: Guuh…Woah! Hey, I did it. [Jack] Damn!
[Mark] Yay. That was good, Bob. That was good, Bob. Bob: Thanks, man!
Wade: It’s like there’s 2 different games going on, there’s the…there’s the Bob and Mark game and the Jack and me game! Jack: Wait where am I? Bob: Are we *jacking* you, Wade?
Wade: Yeah. Jack: I’m a fuckin’ puck!
Bob: Oh, I’m an isosphere. Now I get to know Mark’s agony.
[Wade makes car noises] Wade: No…stop!
[Mark laughs] Jack: Heh-heh-heh…yeah.
Wade: The isosphere sucks. I hate the isosphere.
Bob: Wooo! Mark: Woah…
Bob: Isosphere, why you do tha-…Oh hey! Hey, Jack. Jack: Aw, fuck!
[Bob laughs]
Wade: Come on… [Wade grunts]
Jack: Yeah! About fuckin’ time. Bob: All right, here we go. Here we go, isosphere, you can’t fuck me up on this one.
Jack: Aw, no no no! Bob: Hup! Oh God…aw.
Wade: OHH NOOO!
Mark: Wow. Okay… Jack: Aw, Bob! Bob: Hey, Jack. Mark: Wow, okay.
Bob: What’s up, friend?
Wade: Stop…please! Mark: What the fuck!?
Bob: No, no, no, why? Why? Why!?
Jack: I have one stroke left. Wade: WHY would you go over THERE!? Bob: All right. Well, I’m just gonna whang the shit out of this wall and see what happens. That was a good stroke, Jack. Jack and Bob: Wade, did you get it in? Bob: What the fuck?
Wade: I did on the last shot I had as a cube. Jack: Oh God, I’m a cone… Wade: The cube’s beneficial sometimes, ’cause it can stop on a hill. Jack: Aw, fuck me!
Mark: I don’t know…
Bob: Hooo…Oh God…Oh God! Cube! Cube, bounce a little bit…oh fuck. Jack: There we go — fuck! Jack: Get up! Get up! Get up! Get up! Get up!
Bob: Oh, cube! Now’s your time!
Wade: EXCUSE ME, BOB!
[Mark screams] Jack: GET UP! [screams] Bob: Oh, cube, now’s the time to shine! Cube…you were born for this!
Mark: YES! I got an eagle! Jack: Yes! Birdie! Fuck yeah!
Mark: Oh my God…[fake cries] Bob: Oh come on, come on…Cube, come on. Come on, baby.
Jack: Mark, did you get an eagle? Mark [worn out]: I got an eagle. Jack: I got a birdie. We should be bird buddies.
Bob: Cube…Cube, where are you going? Fuck. [Bob makes blowing sounds] Mark: Bob…
Jack [laughing]: Bob, are you blowing it?
Bob: Fuck! Shit… [Bob makes another blowing sound, Mark and Jack laugh]
Bob: I don’t *know!* I just *don’t!* Wade: Pleeeease!
Jack: I don’t *know,* man! Bob: I’m gonna tap-tap… Jack: And then jump over?
Bob: And then I’m gonna slaaam dunk! Jack: SLAAAAAMIN’! Bob: Aw, shit. Fuck.
[Wade makes desperate noises] Wade: Bob you still have 6 strokes and
only, like, 30 seconds to use them. Bob: Whatever. I’m — It’s not like I’m going to get in! [Jack laughs] Bob: Wooo! Hup! Oh, stuck the landing! Jack: Nice…
Wade: Nice job, Bob. Bob: Fuck you, cube!
[Wade snickers] Bob: Fuck YOU, cube!! [everyone but Bob laughs]
Bob: WHY!?
Wade: What the…? Bob: FUCK, CUBE! Jack: Niiiice! I think that means Mark didn’t lose now. Wade: Wooo! You got this, Bob!
Jack: If…*unless* you can get it in. Unless you can get it in, I think. Wade: You have 4 seconds, Bob! Wade: Ne-…okay. [laughs]
[Mark and Jack laugh]
Bob: Yeah, I’m not gonna win. Mark: Yay, I’m not in last! Jack: Yay, Wade didn’t win! Mark: Oh. Do we gotta get in the mouth? Jack: There’s MORE?
Bob: Oh, I thought that was the last hole. Wade: No, there’s 4 holes left. After this, there’s 5 holes left. Jack: Oh. I thought–
Wade: Hit Tab. Bob: Jack, you’re an idiot. Jack: Yeah, I am.
Wade: Wow… Jack: What the fuck…I’m in a different hole right now!
Bob: You…you ruined *everything* for me, Jack. Mark: Wooooah…the fuuuuck…where am I going?
[Bob laughs] Bob: Oh my God.
Wade: Wheee…
Jack: Are we going over there to the left?
Mark: I don’t know where the fuck we’re going… Wade: We’re going left. Mark: Wow…
Jack: So can I just, like, WHOOSH! Fuck. Bob: Oh, yeah, wait…no, I got an idea. I got an idea. Jack: Jesus Christ — Oh! Oh! Land! Land! Stay! Stay! You fuckin’ ball…
Mark: Uh-oh… Bob: Huyup! Jack: Oh, you fucking hit me!
Mark: Oh my God…Oh my God, oh my God, I made it over here. Mark: Holy shit.
Bob: Aw, shit. Jack: Where are we *going?*
Mark: Oh shit, that’s not good… Mark: That’s the opposite of good… Jack: Are we going into that little platform there? Bob: Wait, did that *work?*
Mark: I think we’re going into the pyramid. Wade: Uh, almost but not really. Jack: Aw, fuck you, Sphinx! Wade: 8 SECONDS!
Mark: Holy shit. Bob: Uh, yeah I don’t think we’re gonna get in there.
Jack: I ran out of strokes. [Wade groans]
Mark: Goddammit. Dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit…I was close.
Bob: Jesus. [Mark sighs]
Jack: That was rough. Jack: Even on *normal* golf, that would have been tough.
Mark: Oh, we’re in here. Bob: Oh, this one is a fucking nightmare. Jack: What…? Oh, why egg?
Bob [gasps]: Oh! Stop! Cube! Bob: Chill! Chill! Chill, cube! Ugh…
Jack: Egg has no chill. Bob: Wade, no! Nooo! Jack: Did he get it in? Bob: He’s like, right by the hole.
Wade: Yeah! Mark: Aw, man…
Jack: No! I didn’t mean to fucking jump! You’re still bouncing? Wade: I got a couple of lucky bounces there.
Mark: Oh, cone…
[Bob makes desperate moaning noises]
Bob: Hey…I’m here. Mark: Oh geez…
Bob: Jack, where ya at, Jack?
Mark: How am I gonna do that? How…how? Bob: I’m more likely to win 27 cents than to actually get us in the hole, even though I’m right here.
[Wade and Jack laugh] Jack: Go! Go! Fuuuck!
Bob: Hey, Jack. Oh my gosh… Bob: Oh, bye, Mark. [laughs]
Mark: Oh, come on! All right, all right…
Wade: Sorry, Jack. I didn’t mean to EGG you on! [Jack fake-laughs] Bob: Oh! Jack! You’re a wizard! Jack: Yesss…I fuckin’ am. Bob: All right, Jack. It’s you and me, bro.
[Wade laughs] Bob: Come here, bro…
Jack: That counted as a *stroke?* Bob: Come HERE, Jack! Bob: Hey, buddy.
Jack: Hi. Bob: WHEEE! Wade: You MISSED, Bob! [laughs]
[Mark laughs]
Jack: See you later! [laughs] Bob: I’m a fucking *cube!* What am *I* gonna do about it? Jack: Oh, still 4 shots ahead of you, Wade. Wade: I *know,* ’cause Bob *missed!* Bob: I tried. you should offer me money.
Wade: I have a secret, Bob… [Jack laughs]
Wade [laughing]: I didn’t actually have 27 cents. Jack: Am I a ball?
Bob: What the fuck am *I* supposed to do? Bob: Oh hey…Oh! That bounced me in! It, it — wha bluh! Jack: Where even *is* the thing?
Bob: Wooo!
Mark: Woooah, that ain’t good. Jack: [laughs] Where *is* it? Bob: Cylinder, stop! Stop…
Wade: I tried to knock all you guys a lot of the way at the start. Didn’t work. Bob: Cylinder, stop…Stop…
Mark: Woah, woah, woah…
Jack: Stay in. Stay in. Yes. Wade: Ugh…No! Don’t let Jack get in!
Mark: No! You… Mark: Oh, come on! I was onn theeere! [fake-cries] Bob: Hey, Mark. I found your front [unclear]
Wade: Nooooo! Mark: [unclear] on there AGAIN! It TWICED me! It TWICED me!
[Bob laughs]
Jack: Fuck! Wade: Bounce! Bounce, you…BITCH! Jack: Here we go. Here we go. All the way in, baby…all the way in. Go in! Jack: Go in!
Wade: Stop him! Jack: Go i-…Oh, fuck! I got a bogey. Wade: You got in!?
Jack: I got a bogey up my nose! Bob: Americans don’t know what that means.
Jack: Heh — Get in one of the pots, Mark.
Wade: THAT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE A *STROKE!* Bob: Pew!
Mark: Oh geez, oh geez, oh geez, oh geez…Okay, okay, okay, okay…
Jack: Oh, nice! Wade: Guys! Come get me! Jack: Fuck you, Wade. I’m gonna keep Wade out of the hole.
Mark: No thank you.
Wade: Pick me up! Bob: Jack, I’m comin’. Mark: ‘Kay…
Jack: Thanks. Look at the hole. The hole’s
all green and glowey. Bob: It’s a Jack-hole.
Jack: Neh-hah-hah. Mark: Oh geez, oh geez, oh
geez, oh geez, oh geez… Jack: You’re like little marshmallows. Wade: Nooo!
Jack: Yeah! See you later!
Mark: Fuckin’ criminy… Bob: Oh, hey Mark. Why…why you do this? Mark: No…no, I didn’t jump! I didn’t jump! I didn’t jump! I DIDN’T JUMP!
Bob: Oh shit…oh, the jumping…
Wade: Bob, Bob, Bob! Come pick me up! Come pick me up from school! Jack: Wade was…Wade…
Mark: Oh fuck!
Wade: Come pick me up! Come pick me up! Jack: Last stroke, Mark.
Wade: COME PICK ME UP!
Bob: Wade… Jack: Nice!
Bob: I’m not gonna help you, Wade. Jack: Bob, do you should have a stroke left? [Mark sighs]
Bob: Eh…
Jack: Awwww… [Wade groans]
Jack: Wade, just give it up. Bob: You’re so fucked, Wade. Welcome to the losers.
Mark: Wow…I *hate* this game. Mark: I *hate* this game.
Bob: Woo! Jack: Mark. you’re a ba-…you’re an isosphere now. We’re all cubes. [laughs] Mark: Greeeeat. [Wade makes a creaky groaning noise]
Jack: Oh God…stay…stay…stay!
Bob: It’s gonna work…It’s gonna work… Jack: Stay! Stay! Where even *am* I?
Mark: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh…oh! Jack: Hi, Bob. [laughs]
Bob: Oh, it *worked!* Did you see that shit? Bob: Hey, Jack! You did it too! Jack: Oh, if I can just stay here, please…
Bob: Hup! Bob: Hey guys…Oh my God, I almost slam-dunked it!
Mark: Ah, fuckin’ isosphere… Mark: Goddamnit… there we go. Good Lord. [Mark groans]
Bob: Hey, Jack, what are the odds you can get in here *now,* Jack? Jack: AAAAAH!
[Mark laughs] Bob: Hey, friend! Bob: PEW — What!?
[everyone laughs] Bob: I was…I was full power at Jack and it like, sucked me into the hole.
Mark: Woah, all 5? God damn! Jack: Nice!
Wade: A CONE!? Jack: Yeah.
Mark: Oh, Jack, we’re regular balls!
Bob: Oh, I’m a cone too. Oh great. Bob: THAT’S awesome.
Jack: Well, yeah, we are, but..uh…where? Wade: To the right…don’t go left. Jack: Oh Jesus fucking Christ. come on oh no
whoa whoa whoa wasn’t a life why don’t Bob: Cone…Cone…Cone…
Mark: Woah, woah, woah, woah…
Jack: Oh nooo, this is bad. Bob: Cone, for once in your life…Cone, think about…think about what we could have.
Mark: Woah, woah, woah, what the fuck? Oh my God. Wade: Sex!! We could have it all!
Mark: Oh my God, oh my God…NO! No, I was right there! Nooo! Bob: Wooo! Oh, oh, oh…
Mark: Oh fuck off!
Jack: Mark, I’m trying to see where you’re going. Bob: Cone…cone, cone, cone…cone, why?
Mark: Oh, fuck off. Don’t watch me.
I had it on the first stroke… Mark: I was always almost on the green, and then it…[sighs]
Jack [laughing]: I saw.
Bob: Of all…of all the things that you could be doing with your life, cone… Jack: Bob, you’re running out of time on that —
Wade: WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME, SATAN!? Bob [laughing]: “Where are the other drugs going?”
[Jack laughs] Mark: Where are the other balls going? Jack: The one time me and Mark get normal balls and it’s a fuckin’ level like this.
Bob: Oh Jesus Christ… Jack: I’m going this way. What’s over here?
Bob: Woo! Mark: Okay.
Bob: Oh! Oh! Stick the landing! all is that Wade: Oh, I thought the hole was — NOOOoooo babyyyy… [Bob laughs]
Jack: This is *much* better! You actually get saved over here…oh wait. No, it’s not. Bob: No, it’s not.
Jack: Oh, I’m fucked… I’m fucked now. Bob: That sounds more like what it’s…Aw, shit! Wade: Mark! [Wade groans]
Bob: This level fucking sucks. This is a fucking prison on bullshit planet.
Jack: Yeah, it does — oh! Jack: There’s a fuckin’ area up here!
Bob: Woo! Wade: I never go that way.
Bob: Oh my God…Oh my God, I touched the green where the hole is! Guys, I touched the hole! Jack: Oh hey, look. We all suck. Mark: I almost had that. Subscribe to caption authors [Jack] Why did you get 9 and we got 12? [Wade] Because he made it in.
[Mark] I made it in! [Jack] Oh, oh. I didn’t know that! [laughs] [Mark] [laughs] Thank you!

100 thoughts on “IT GETS EVEN WORSE | Golf With Friends #2

  1. Whineyplier-
    Cone buddy-
    Secret Evil-
    I'm officially death
    the names Jack puts in place of their real names is so clever and adds to the crazy persona of the video lol
    Also whos rewatching old videos missing the squad? Anyhow, lit vids sean

  2. Okay, I'm on android and everytime I turn the screen to make it bigger, Sam pops up, anyone else havin this problem

  3. Jack: "You're a non-englisher."
    Also Jack, like half a second later: "I'm a egg."
    Me: "Jack… Think about what you just said…"

  4. Mark:I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS A POWER BAR!!!!!
    Jack,Wade,and Bob: laughs
    Me: chokes on soda and falls off bed laughing

  5. Yo, do you have some clubs? Can we actually hit the links together? "Golf with Sean" is some bucket list shit for me.

  6. I love that Wade was familiar with the courses, but his random ball shapes just doomed him anyway.

  7. This entire video: Agony! Beyond power of speech. When the one thing you want is the only thing out of your reach

  8. Anyone else wish Mark's video for this wasn't lost/corrupted so we could see his face as he freaked the fuck out?

  9. At the beginning of the video, I thought my volume wasn't high enough for me to hear. I decided to turn my volume to 100, and then I hear Jacksepticeye's loud ass voice say, "TITTIES", and I was so startled. XD

  10. The fact that one of Mark's greatest and most legendary meltdowns isn't even on one of Mark's videos, and we get to see Jack's reaction to it, is absolutely amazing! Seriously, the power bar segment might be the second hardest I have ever laughed from a Youtube video, #1 being the Wheel of Fortune Game Grumps meltdown.

  11. I was unfortunate enough to be drinking when I heard “Where are you taking me Satan!?” And almost snorted my drink out my nose with laughter. 🤣 🤣 🤣

  12. so no one is gonna talk bout how jack did the woah at 15:16…. so while we were living in 2016 jack was in 2019? Time Traveller: Confirmed.

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